Love Your Husbands

Ahhh, love.  The butterflies, loving gazes, and heartache when you have to spend a moment apart. Is this what God asks wives to "feel" for their husbands?  Would you be disappointed if I said "no"?  The Greek word translated "love" in Titus 2:4 is phileo.  Strongs defines phileo as "to manifest some act or token of kindness or affection; to kiss; to love, regard with affection, have affection for; to like, be fond of."  This kind of love is used most often to refer to the affection or love between friends or family.  For example, Martha and Mary referred to Lazarus as the disciple whom Jesus loved (John 3:11). When Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him, Peter replied, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love [phileo] you" every time (John 21:16). Phileo is also used in Matthew 10:37 to refer to the love for father or mother, son or daughter.

So, how does a wife love (phileo) her husband?  She is his friend.  After God created man and all the animals, He recognized the man's need for companionship.  His solution to man's loneliness was woman.  While books, articles, and surveys present a myriad of needs husbands have, a few are common to all lists.  Companionship is one of them. Find out what interests your husband, and share in his interests.  You will still maintain your interests and friends, but take time to join your husband in some of his favorite activities.

A wife loves her husband when she shows affection.  Wrapping your arm through his or holding his hand while you walk, a hug when he leaves for work and comes home, a kiss before bed are all ways to show affection.  Sexual affection is also high on his needs' list.  Be careful about turning down his advances.  

Kindness is not only a fruit of the spirit, it is an act of love.  Common courtesies, politeness, respect are ways a wife shows kindness to her husband.  Avoid embarrassing him by watching your tongue in public and by being careful what information or photos you share in the social media.  Eliminate selfishness, nagging, and pushing your husband into situations he isn't ready for or doesn't want.  Be content with what your husband is able to provide for you and your family and show appreciation for his hard work.

Love your husband by being his friend, showing affection and kindness, and don't be afraid to ask him what his specific needs are.

Questions to ask yourself:

Do I love my husband like God wants me to?
Am I the kind of friend I would like to have?
Am I affectionate?
Do I show respect for my husband by accepting his decisions?
Am I careful not to embarrass him in public and in social media outlets?
Do I thank him for providing for me?
Do I nag him for more?  Or am I content?

Dear Younger Women, are you ready to be trained?

Training begins at home.

Titus 2:4 instructs older women to train the younger women. If older women are to train the younger women from God's word, then the younger women are to receive this training. Some older women become discouraged and give up their responsibility because the younger women become offended or are not willing to listen. While love is the proper motivation for training the younger women, a humble heart is the proper attitude for receiving the training.

Based on my conversations with other women, there seems to be a disconnect between training and acceptance. As mentioned previously, a lack of close relationships may be the cause. Solomon wrote, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy" (Proverbs 27:6, NASV). Sometimes the truth hurts, but who would we rather deliver the hurtful truth - a friend seeking to help us grow and become a better person, or the individual lying to us in order to avoid any hard feelings, stunting our ability to see our lives objectively? Our culture seems to no longer value honesty, especially when telling the truth may hurt. We are a society that believes any kind of discomfort or pain that requires us to change or "look bad" is wrong. Therefore, we avoid it at all costs -- even at the cost of lost souls!

Assume that the older woman who reaches out to you does so because she loves you and cares about your soul and home.

How should the younger women react to advice from older women?

• Defensive? "You can't tell me what to do."
• Prideful? "Who do you think you are? I know what I'm doing."
• Plain Silly? "She's trying to tell me how to raise my children. I'm never walking through those doors again!"
• None of these. Correct!

Much emphasis is placed on teaching and training. Do we stress the importance of receiving instruction? God does! God teaches us how important advice and instruction are. If we want to be wise, we must "listen to advice and accept instruction" (Proverbs 19:20). Wisdom is knowing how to use the knowledge we have. This requires discernment and judgment. The word "wisdom" is used over 100 times in the book of Proverbs! The inspired writer James writes, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him" (James 1:5, ESV). One way God gives us wisdom is through the advice of those Christians who have sharpened their ability to discern the word of God through practice and study.

Pride is an obstacle we may hit on the road to wisdom. A proud person may also be considered a "fool" as defined by the Bible in Proverbs 12:15: "The fool is right in his own eyes." A fool is never wrong. He will defend his position and thoughts without wavering or considering any others. As a result, this foolish pride causes strife and damage in every relationship. God tells us that wisdom is the cure for pride (Proverbs 13:10), and that the wise listen to advice (Proverbs 12:15b).

"Listen to advice and accept instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future" (Proverbs 19:20, ESV).

Which do you want to be - the fool or the wise? Which does God want you to be?


*Note: For an excellent read on how to deal with foolish individuals, I highly recommend Fool-proofing Your Life by Jan Silvious.

Dear Older Women - Let's Start with "Us"

"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine.  They are to teach what is good, and so train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled" (Titus 2:3-5 ESV).

I have wondered if we older women take this command seriously.  Perhaps it’s because, if you’re like me, you don’t know where to begin – how to go about teaching the younger women.  And maybe that confusion is due to our culture: We are busy; and, for the most part, we live in single-family dwellings and have little interaction with other families during our daily routine.  Aside from those obvious reasons, more and more women are working outside the home (That would be me!), and we are not “available” during  a large part of the day.  However, God’s instructions pertain to us now, in our culture, in our lifetime.  So we must find ways to carry out His instructions the best we can.

The word “train” in this passage means “to make of sound mind, discipline.”  Yes, it may involve correction.  What’s interesting to note is that “training” implies that something can be learned.  Within the context of Titus 2, women can learn to

• Love their husbands and children
• Be submissive to their husbands
• Be kind, pure, self-controlled
• Workers at home.

Questions to ask ourselves:

1. Am I training younger women?  If not, why not?
2. Do I have legitimate reasons for not fulfilling this role?  Or am I making excuses?
3. For every reason "why not," think of a way "how to."

Up next: Dear Young Women, are you willing to be trained?